Not Every Lunch Is A Winner

Okay -- as it turns out -- I couldn't resist....about the day we spent in Kalona, Iowa. That morning, as I was leaving, John said, “I would hate to see you two old biddies walk into my restaurant." John is always embarrassed if I complain in a restaurant...and Bert is known to be blunt....he was just trying to annoy me...
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Anyway – it was Kalona's Fall Festival. Kalona is a quaint little Amish community and we try to go there once a year or so. We enjoyed our day of treasure hunting -- and it was 2:30 when we walked into the “Kalona Family Restaurant” for lunch.

There were lots of empty tables – but we waited a long time to get seated. And it was curious that the “host” was a young dark foreigner?? Very cute guy -- Bert thought he was Greek. I thought he was speaking Italian. The bus boy was definitely Hispanic. Wha??? Where are the Amish and Mennonite owners and/or workers? We started making jokes about the joint being run by the Federal Witness Protection Program...

I ordered the chicken fingers dinner – with two sides – coleslaw and cottage cheese (The Amish are famous for their cottage cheese). Bert ordered a tenderloin sandwich, which came with a bowl of vegetable soup.

From the moment we sat down – we hoped to wash up in the ladie’s room. Unfortuntely, there was a constant“line-up” standing outside the door…which opened directly into the dining room. Ugh…

We eventually did get our food. But the surly waitress forgot my two sides. Then Bert remembered she should’ve had soup…ugh…the waitress had disappeared…

After calling the cute Greek/Italian guy over to the table – he found our waitress – and she brought our "no-bigger-than-a-tablespoon" side dishes to our table long after we’d eaten our food…what a disappointment this meal has been...

Okay. We’re done…ready to go…and there is no line at the ladies’ room. So Bert & I went to use the bathroom... it was disgusting…rusted out toilet, filthy floor, stained sink…ugh…

At the cash register, the cute guy said, “Was everything okay?”

Bert & I exchanged a glance…then our tag-team litany began,

Rita: “Actually, your food is very mediocre – but we probably could have dealt with that…”

Bert: “the biggest problem was the terrible service. Everything was a long wait…wait for a table, wait for our food, wait for the bathroom…”

Rita: “the waitress didn’t bring half our food until we were done eating…”

Bert, “And your bathroom is disgraceful. It is the dirtiest bathroom I’ve seen years…”

Rita: “As customers – we believe if you’ve seen the bathroom – you’ve seen the kitchen. “

Bert, “A bathroom is always a reflection of a restaurant…and yours is disgusting…”

From the moment we began our tag-team pummeling -- the cute foreign guy is hurriedly counting out my change from the cash register. Although the smile never left his face…his look is completely blank. When he finally hands me the money, he simply says the same meaningless words he always says to every customer, “Thank you for coming in today…”

Bert and I exchange glances...and she says, “nobody here gives a shit”…and I said, “maybe he doesn't actually understand English."

On our way out the door, I turned to Bert and laughed, "JOHN WAS RIGHT… WE ARE A COUPLE OF OLD BIDDIES..”