Friday, December 16, 2016

Beach Towel Reality

Since I joined the local YMCA, I have been attending their Swimfit classes. Finding a swimming suit to wear in public was the first challenge. But finding a towel big enough to wrap around me was the second problem.

Then, I remembered my Marimekko stash from the Target sale last year...I bought a beach big was that sucker??
A whopping 40" x 72"
Of course, I never intended to use this stunning towel as an actual TOWEL...but, hey, sometimes life requires desperate measures...


This recent development reminded me of a story I used to tell in my seminar, "How To Dress With Style When You Feel Like Cher But Look Like Roseanne"...about my real life...

In 1991, I was visiting my svelte college roommate, Betsy, in Minneapolis.  It was late at night, and she casually said, "do you want to go to the club?"  AND I thought she was talking about a drinking/dancing kind of jazz CLUB (she was always so hip), of course, I said yes.  I got dressed, put on some lipstick, and was ready to go when she came down the hall of her condo carrying two big fluffy bathtowels.  ugh.

She meant her HEALTH CLUB, of course...which was down the street.

I tried to act unperturbed...but could not imagine what we were going to do at the club at this hour...

Hey -- as it turns out -- she plans to TAKE A SAUNA!!

Which, apparently, all those Minnesota Nordic types do in the nude.

More ugh.

Again, I tried to go be a good sport...not to kick up a fuss...

Betsy took off all her clothes, and started to strut down the hall, buck naked -- with the towel casually thrown over her shoulder.  WHA??

I took off my clothes, and struggled with the much-too-small towel.  Unwilling to fling it over my shoulder....but unable to wrap it around my body...I could either cover the BACK of me...or the FRONT of me...

I finally settled on a compromise.

I threw the towel over my head and hurried after my slender friend.

Sure -- everybody will see my fat body.  BUT IF THEY DON'T SEE MY FACE, THEY WON'T KNOW WHO I AM...


But here's another issue.  Although now they do make TOWELS big enough for me -- I don't have a totebag big enough to accommodate it.

*  Zaftig | Definition of Zaftig by Merriam-Webster
Definition of zaftig. of a woman. : having a full rounded figure : pleasingly plump.

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