John and Trick or Treaters.

When our boys were growing up, I took them to a nearby small town -- McCausland -- for Halloween. For several reasons.  For one thing, there are too few homes in our country addition to make trick or treating worthwhile.

Also, my Aunt Glad lived in McCausland.  She was in her 80's at that time, and she couldn't get up and down to answer her door -- but she loved seeing the kids in their costumes.

So, to kill two birds with one stone -- I took the boys to McCausland, and they went Trick or Treating in the safe little town where I knew everybody, and I stayed at Aunt Glad's house to help her hand out candy.

John worked second shift, so he was never involved in this evening activity.  NEVER....

Until one year, when three things happened....

1.  Trick or Treat was on a Sunday night....(John was home)
2.  He left the porch light on (because he didn't know better)
3.  Several carloads of kids came to our housing addition Trick Or Treating (more houses had been built, so it seemed worth their time?)

So -- I am at Aunt Glad's house, and her phone rang. (before cell phones).  It was John.  This was the first and last time he ever called her house...She handed me the phone...

John: (sounding agitated)  Trick or Treaters are coming here...WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL THOSE CANDY BARS??

(I had purchased six bags of Snickers and Almond Joy, and the candy was in a bag on the counter for a week...)

Me:   I brought them with me -- to give away here, at Aunt Glad's house. (she normally bought one small bag of suckers)

I told John he had two choices.  He could make the 5-minute trip to Casey's convenience store to buy some candy.  OR -- he could simply turn the porch light OFF.

I hung up and went back to the business of keeping track of my own two boys, and dealing with the scores of Trick or Treaters coming to Aunt Glad's door...

So -- what did John do??

Of course, HE DID NOT LISTEN TO ME.

Instead -- feeling the pressure of the ringing doorbell -- he decided to GIVE THE CHILDREN QUARTERS.  Hey, at that time, you could buy a huge candy bar for 25 cents...

However, John realized eight quarters was $2.00...and this was going to get expensive.  So, he started to give each child a nickel....

When the nickels were gone...he looked around, and saw the decorative bowl of nuts which was the centerpiece of our fall table.

EUREKA!!  He started dropping English Walnuts and Hazelnuts in their bags.

Here is a defining moment of John's life...

As one group of Trick or Treaters is walking down our steps, another group is approaching...

Kid in Group #1 hollers out this glum warning,

"DON'T BOTHER -- THE ASSHOLE IS GIVING OUT ACORNS."

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Full disclosure....writing this, I laughed so hard I peed....