THE FIRST SNOW DAY

Wednesday was our first big snow "event" of the winter.  We had about six inches of snow -- and at least an inch of sleet/rain -- which made it crusty and VERY HEAVY to shovel.  Ugh.

I went out four times to shovel the sidewalk and around my car.   That was enough exercise for one day -- and it was actually more interesting than walking on the treadmill.

If you live in Iowa, snow removal is a big deal. And it has ALWAYS been John's job.  Over the years, he threw a lot of money at the toys...sorry...."tools"  to do that job. He bought a walk-behind snow blower, garden tractors with various front and back blades, and even a very large John Deere tractor with a bucket on the front. 

But, the truth is -- for the last two years, my brother Calvin has been digging us out.  John never got comfortable with the big tractor, and he couldn't remember how to start the snow blower.  But he still considered snow removal as his job.  He would pull on his winter boots and gloves, and go outside to "supervise".  

Here's the thing --  yesterday, John had absolutely no awareness that I was shoveling the snow.  I put on my winter duds and go out to shovel (20 minute increments were about all I could handle)...and he sat in his chair, watching television.  He didn't have the least bit of interest in or understanding of what I was doing.

And that's okay.  It is what it is. God knows I need the exercise...and shoveling snow is the EASY part of my life right now...

In the morning -- our DirectTV didn't work.  THANK GOD for the Amazon Firestick.  I've been watching the Netflix series, "Virgin River" -- and I thought John might enjoy it.  But it uses a lot of flashbacks, and it was too confusing. 

Then I remembered how much John loved the movie Gettysburg.  He used to watch it every 4th of July.  

Gettysburg was the first movie John took the boys to.  Ross still remembers it well. After a long, boring 3 hours, the theater lights went on...and Ross was SO HAPPY IT WAS OVER..Then, John told him this was just the "intermission"...and Ross said, "are you kidding me? What did they do -- film it in real time?" 

So -- that was John's day.  He watched Gettysburg while I shoveled snow.  At 3:00,  Calvin came down with his road grader (that is only a slight exaggeration)  to dig out our long driveway.  Cal came in for a cup of coffee and John barely looked up...

My loaf of bread turned out great...and I made some chicken wings in my new oven.  I'm working on a New York City 1000 piece puzzle....that certainly brings back some wonderful memories...

Here's the best news..... 

IT'S OFFICIAL.  TODAY is the LAST DAY of 2020, and WE MUST, Thank God, OFFICIALLY SAY GOODBYE TO THE HORRIBLE 2020...!! 

********

ALSO -- Happy Birthday, LP..!!  We are all missing TMBC right now -- but, hopefully -- the vaccine is on the way...and the world will soon be a safer place.

THANK GOD FOR SEWING, EH??

 

The Ronda/Dean Update!

Dean had a pretty good first night...except his brace got all twisted. Nicole came over to help Ronda get it straightened out...Nicole was standing at her Dad's bed...Ronda was in the kitchen...

THERE WAS A BIG CRASH...

Yep. Ronda passed out in the kitchen....fell down and hit her head...

Nicole took her blood pressure (their house is better equipped than many third world hospitals)...it was very high. She called 911...and they took Ronda to the Emergency Room.

They did some scans and checked her over...then sent her home.

 OY VEY...!! 

When I reported this development to my boys, Ross said..."I want all you old people to sit in a chair until further notice..."

LIKE WE COULD POSSIBLY SIT ANY MORE THAN WE ALREADY DO..!!

***********

John's friend Don picked him up this morning and they went out for breakfast and a drive around the countryside. I made a pot of chili on my brand new stove...and called Mary for a long overdue catch-up visit. I don't know who enjoyed the morning more -- me or John.  

The snow started after lunch...so far, we have about 6 inches on the ground...followed by sleet.  Ronda was lucky to get home before the roads got really bad. (they were terrible by nightfall).

I'm glad we don't have anywhere to go today. I told Cal not to worry about digging us out.

I put together a loaf of the Mark Bittman no-knead Italian bread -- and I'll bake it tomorrow.

https://www.markbittman.com/recipes-1/no-knead-bread

John used to love baking this dutch oven bread -- but he lost interest. And I miss that...John being interested in things, I mean. But the really odd thing -- it still surprises me every day -- is that John doesn't miss any of it.

John, two years ago...he LOVED baking that bread...

Lilly's Murder Mystery Dinner

Thanks again for all your kindness...your emails have meant everything to me. (I'll put health updates at the end of the post...)

Today, I want to write about Lilly's Murder Mystery Dinner.

Over the years, I've made a big effort to NOT have our Christmas Eve be about gift-giving. Lilly and Warren have way too much stuff already...

Weeks ago -- we were brainstorming some different ideas, when Lilly decided she would write a Murder Mystery Dinner for Christmas Eve.  It would only be the seven of us (John, me, Ross, Elliott, Emily, Lilly and Warren.)  She knew EXACTLY who would be get which part...Okay -- I'm in.

As you know -- the ramp-up to Christmas was crazy. Looking back -- having Covid was the LEAST of my problems...I was lucky to recover quickly -- but I experienced two weeks of very little energy.... John's several visits to various hospitals around the State of Iowa also put a wrench in our plans.

My point is -- I was absolutely NO HELP when it came to the entertainment portion of the evening. Lilly was on her own...and I let her run with it...

The setting was 1920's Italy...we were in a mansion -- and we all had a "part". Lilly made herself the star of the evening -- she was the Mafia Don...

I did take her thrift-shopping to find costumes.

Ross was a detective,visiting from Russia. Elliott was the rich man who was also the Mayor of the town.

Emily was the flapper

Lilly wrote clues and hid them all around the living room.

We were willing participants -- but couldn't actually read Lilly's handwriting...

Warren was a visiting sailor -- and his costume was John's Navy hat.

John didn't understand what was happening...and he did not remember his sailor hat...

Lilly was happy with the way it all went...

At the end, the Housekeeper -- Vanillapee Von Sweeps -- was the killer...

************ 

Monday morning, I helped Ronda's take down her Christmas tree -- in order to make room for a hospital bed. Dean came home Monday afternoon. He has to wear the back brace 24 hours a day for at least the next 4 weeks...and the hope is that they'll be able to have some home health care help for rehab. 

Winter is upon us...and a big snow event is predicted for this week...so he is glad to be home.

Christmas 2020

I'd like to get back to some regular blog writing...and THANKS AGAIN for missing my posts. Writing has always helped center me...but life is upside down right now.

We'll see how it goes. Now that I have all of you worried about John and my BIL (brother-in-law) Dean -- the least I can do is give you a mini-report.

Dean. After deciding they couldn't do surgery, the hospital fitted him for a brace Saturday morning and talked about sending him home. (rehab centers are no longer an option during these Covid times).  But, the brace is not holding his broken back in place...and if it moves even a fraction, he could be paralyzed.  So he's still in the Iowa City hospital.

John: He didn't participate much in Christmas. He's lost time awareness...and often goes to bed at 5:00 PM...sometimes waking up at 3:30. Words elude him...and he sits in his chair (watching Dr. Pol) for hours on end. Yesterday, he asked me if I had sisters...

YES, I HAVE SISTERS..!!  THANK GOD

My sister, Deena, bringing two pans of cheesy hashbrowns on Christmas Eve

My sister in law, Jeanne, delivering her Green Salad (in exchange for steak, shrimp and some cheesy hashbrowns)

The steaks were such a hit,  I think they will be a permanent Christmas Eve thing from now on.

Lilly set the table with my new HO HO HO napkins (thanks, Carrie) -- and Aunt Rozella's good silver.

2020 Christmas Day

When my oven quit working on December 23 -- I thought that would be the final crappy thing that would happen to end this very crappy 2020.  

 

Determined --  I instantly kicked into PROBLEM SOLVING mode...and ordered a new stove from a local appliance dealer.  They actually OFFERED TO DELIVER it on Christmas Eve..

 

But, the reality of that -- while planning a 5:00 Christmas Eve dinner -- seemed unrealistic.

Realizing the BURNERS still work fine -- and I also have a 30" flattop grill in my kitchen -- I revamped the menu.  Instead of a giant ham -- we'll have surf and turf.  John and I went to the grocery store Christmas Eve morning to buy steaks and shrimp. 

At 4:00 Christmas Eve, as I was boiling the shrimp, my sister Deena delivered the cheesy hashbrowns. And the very bad news that Ronda's husband, Dean, had just fallen down the basement stairs. 

 

The ambulance was still at their house.  (Ronda and Dean live about a mile from me). 

 

At 5:00,  Dean was taken to the local hospital. They assessed his injury.  He broke his back, but could move his legs. His spinal cord is intact -- but he needs surgery.

They took him by ambulance to Iowa City (an hour away) at 1:00 AM.  (Iowa City is home to University of Iowa Hospitals).  Their daughter, Nicole,  followed the ambulance (both times) -- Ronda and her other daughter, Amy,  went soon after.

However, the Iowa City Ortho surgeon said because Dean is still recovering from Covid, his lungs would not tolerate the surgery. So they will fit him with a brace, and reassess in 4 weeks.

Dean is in terrible pain. Ronda and the girls came home this morning so Amy and Nicole could do Christmas with their kids. Dean is allowed one visitor from 1-3 each day.

Nicole is taking Ronda back this afternoon (Christmas Day).

It ''Twas The Day Before Christmas Eve...

So -- hey -- it's been a roller coaster of a week, people. I'm not going to review all the things that went wrong in the last seven days.... Mostly because there's no way to do that and not sound like A TOTAL WHINER.

Each day brings a new gaggle of problems...and, as so many of you have advised me -- I'm taking this thing one day at a time. And every day, I FOCUS ON THE GOOD.

But Christmas 2020 is gonna be different. For me -- for you -- because of Covid -- it will be different for everybody in the world. Which makes me feel better. Kinda. I guess it's that old "Misery loves company" cliche.

And I'm okay with different...but, because I believe this may be our last Christmas in this house -- I want it to be special.

Lilly has written a Murder Mystery Dinner for our Christmas Eve party. She gave the seven of us bios, and created actual costumes....it is quite elaborate...with clues and red herrings...

I bought a giant, beautiful ham. I'll make cheesy hashbrown potatoes, bake a shoofly pie. My brother Calvin and his wife Jeanne won't be joining us for the meal, but Jeanne and I will tag team the food. She's making her famous green salad (pistachio pudding and cream cheese -- it's the reason Iowa is full of fat people)...and some delicious rolls.

On Tuesday, I had a Lilly day. We went thrift store shopping for the costumes, and she write the bios.

Wednesday, I had a Warren day. He shopped and then WRAPPED his gifts. That kid LOVES a roll of scotch tape.

So, okay. Christmas 2020 is gonna be as good as it can be

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED...

I turned the oven on to make Warren's lunch...my oven was dead.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Of all days...today...December 23....and I've got no oven??!!

It still looks brand new!

 

To add insult to injury -- I RECENTLY CLEANED THE DAMN THING!!

Which,come to think of it -- is probably what killed the oven. It went into shock...

The Ying and Yang

While the kids and I were busy all day with our Gingerbread activities -- John was confused. He took his shower (that's always a good beginning to his day) -- but then, he put his t-shirt on over the top of his robe.  Sure -- that was a bad sign, but I've learned not to make an issue of his clothes..

John was not interested in our Gingerbread event...and he slept most of the day. Although he had a big bowl of oatmeal for breakfast -- he didn't want to join us for lunch.  That afternoon, he went upstairs to sleep (we were making too much noise.)

At 7:00, E&E came to pick up the kids. Lilly and Warren went upstairs to say goodbye to Grandpa -- but he was sleeping. Still? Again?

About an hour later, I was dozing in my recliner...when I heard a big THUD.

John fell in the upstairs bathroom.  The good news is there was no blood...the bad news is there was no way I could get him up.  He was conscious, but not moving. 

I called 911.  The Princeton Fire Department arrived 6 minutes later...

It was tight quarters in the upstairs bathroom. The EMT's finally got John into a transfer chair, and tested his sugar. (he has refused to take his pills or insulin for two weeks). I was surprised his sugar was only 211. (normal is between 80 and 120...if it gets as high as 600,  he would go into a diabetic coma).

Because of John's dementia, the ER allowed me to go into the room with him.   They gave him fluids, took blood, did x-rays, and  tested him for Covid (negative).

I was there for two hours.  It became clear that during these Covid times -- nobody is getting admitted to this hospital.  The ER is strictly about treat ém and street ém.  

But I was not going to take him home in the middle of the night...I wouldn't even be able to get him into the house.

So, at 11:00, I told the nurse I was going home to get some sleep.  John was where he needed to be -- and I'd come back to get him at 9:30 tomorrow morning.

See what I mean?  Ying and Yang.  Delightful day...scary night...

I actually DID get a good night's sleep...and I NEEDED THAT.  (nights around here have been pretty hairy).  The next morning, I woke up...and had a big cry.  But I have put a 5 minute limit on the pity parties...

Then, I took a shower, pulled up my big girl pants -- and went to bring John home. 

Ross came to the house that afternoon to watch some football -- and John is never better than when he's talking sports!  I made a chicken pot pie Ross could cook for their lunch -- then I went into town to run some errands.

John has agreed to take his diabetes meds and get back on his insulin.  So, at the end of the day, THAT was the silver lining.

Now -- it's FULL STEAM AHEAD FOR CHRISTMAS 2020...

In sooo many ways -- this will be the Christmas we all remember.  So -- LET'S DO THIS THING!! 

Gingerbread House-Making Day

When Ross was in Kindergarten, I made my first Gingerbread house -- I mixed up the gingerbread, made cardboard templates, baked the pieces, made batches and batches of royal icing...and created a CASTLE. (with four turrets). I was so pleased with it, I entered it into a local Gingerbread competition.

If you've ever done it -- you know THAT'S A LOT OF WORK...and, like most things that are a lot of work, the effort was in no way commensurate with the end-game appreciation of the children involved.

As a matter of fact, it was so much work -- it was 20 years before I considered another trip down that Gingerbread road...

By the time I became a Grandma to Lilly and Warren -- some genius had invented GINGERBREAD HOUSE KITS.

A KIT! The Gingerbread house is packaged in neat little pieces. The walls are straight and strong...the directions are clear and easy to understand. The kit contains bags of frosting, and various candies, sprinkles and/or decorations. After a quick and easy assembly of the "house" -- the kids can get right to the DECORATING...

Saturday was our big Gingerbread House DAY...

We had a wonderful time...we even had a special snack during our busy work day...

This is a GINGERBREAD ICE CREAM SANDWICH..!!

Who knew that was happening??!!

Yep. We had a wonderful day...

Life is about the Ying and Yang.  Because, after the BEST DAY EVER...well -- now we've gotta make it through the night.

Cuz...ugh...then this happened...

The Rita Rule

Here's something I've been thinking about... 

I used to be THAT GIRL. The one everybody envied, y'know. 

Hell -- when I go back to read MY OWN BLOG -- I think that girl's life is a dream come true. 

Married to the same man for 50 years.  A good provider who doesn't smoke, drink, gamble or womanize.  She has a job she enjoys, working with interesting people all over the world.  She lives in a cozy paid-for home in a quiet small town.  Her wonderful siblings are THERE FOR HER -- and her two grown boys are both contributing members of society.  She has great friends, hobbies she enjoys and her two adorable grandchildren live so nearby, she gets to see them every week.

Anybody would WANT TO BE THAT GIRL...

Here's the thing about writing a personal blog.  You get to do a lot of heavy editing.

As it happens -- that's also the way I live my actual real life.  

I choose to focus on the good things.  I don't dwell on the things that don't work out for me...or the stuff I can't control.  When bad stuff happens -- when people disappoint me or piss me off -- I bitch it out THREE TIMES and then I MOVE ON....I really do just LET IT GO....and try never to speak of it again.

It's the main Rita's Rule.   This rule-of-three has worked for me for a very, very long time.

So -- now -- Alzheimer's.  Ugh.

And, even with some heavy editing -- I am no longer the girl you wanna be...

I'm gonna need some new rules...

Kids and Christmas Trees

 As the kids were decorating the tree...Lilly was giving Warren LOTS of orders...

"Warren -- put some of the ornaments higher on the tree. Warren -- make sure to decorate the back of the tree, too. Warren -- don't put all the blue things together. Warren -- SPREAD THEM OUT..."

She was being quite a bully, when I gently said, "Lilly -- lighten up. Although you may not remember it -- the year you were THREE -- before there was a Warren -- you decorated the tree all by yourself, and there were maybe 6 ornaments -- all on the lower 12" of the tree. And I never told you to do it any differently. That's just the way our tree looked that year."

Lilly said, "There are TWO things you should remember,Grandma...

FIRST of all -- I WAS THREE.

SECONDLY (pointing to Warren) -- HE'S NOT."

*********

Apparently -- two hours is the limit for Christmas tree decorating.  At 5:00, both kids were sound asleep...

 

 

THANK YOU

I am better. Really. I've received so much support and love from my family and friends -- including many of you....instead of feeling hopeless or depressed -- I feel uplifted. And determined.

Two years ago, a friend of mine, who was dealing with her husband's dementia -- told me she was put on this earth to take care of this man. She was so serene -- and SINCERE --  I was awed that she could have such peace about their situation.

Anyway -- after John's escapade to Jasper County Iowa -- we had a quiet week here on the ranch. With a LOT of changes.

And, then, too -- IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS. So I decided to focus on what that looks like this year.

For starters -- we need to put up the tree. I got the kids from school on Monday and they spent two hours bringing up the tree and the decorations...some Christmas music boxes I have...and we got out our plastic Christmas dinnerware and a snowman tablecloth. By the time Elliott and Emily got here for supper -- Lilly and Warren had the house COMPLETELY DECKED OUT. And it was heartening for me to see that those kids knew EXACTLY where every single thing should go. I have a large Frosty who sings his song when you push a button -- and he (apparently) sits in the same spot, year after year.

That was Then -- This is NOW

I am a writer. I write every day (as you know) -- it's how I stay centered. For many years -- writing my nearly-daily-blog about nothing in particular brought me great joy.  But, for these last weeks, I've mostly been writing a daily journal about this sad journey John and I are on.

The thing is -- I don't want this blog to turn into a Depressing Dementia Diary. Trust me -- you do NOT WANT to read a blow-by-blow about my life right now.

So -- I'm gonna figure out how to balance things...and, hopefully, this blog will become my DIVERSION...

Which would be a really, really good thing...

Thanks for taking the time to write to me...especially you, Miss Arizona...

BEST ADVICE OF THE WEEK...

Happiness is letting go of what you assume your life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything that it is. At the end of the day, before you close your eyes, smile and be at peace with where you've been and grateful for what you have.

--Angel Chernoff

AND -- I can do that!!