When it comes to financial stuff -- I am a dunce. I am ashamed to admit that I have never balanced my checkbook. (I'm not kidding, LP...NEVER...)
So, believe me when I tell you I've made hundreds of mistakes when it comes to money...or thousands....who knows. I'm just saying it's never been my strong suit....
Like I always tell my friends right before handing out important legal advice..."remember -- I'm not a lawyer. Hell, I'm barely a quilter..."
And I am UNDOUBTEDLY the last person on the planet who should be giving financial advice. But I'm sharing some of my recent experiences...hoping it might help you navigate this road.
The road I'm talking about is OLD AGE. There's no way around it...Getting older is inexorable.
Nothing you say or do is going to stop it from happening. And, if you're married, one of you is going to die first...it's just a fact.
It's shocking to me that John and I have been married for 50 years, but we never had a single conversation about THIS. Getting older...and what happens if and when one of us dies.
Or gets Alzheimer's.
********
First Mistake: NEVER TALKING ABOUT MONEY.
John and I got married in October 1970. In November, he objected to a $15 check I wrote to a shoe store. At that time, I was making as much money as he was, and I felt like I had every right to buy three pairs of $5 shoes. The next day, I opened my own checking account -- and I also had my own credit card. But the reality is that over the years, John made way more money than me. So, sure, I had my own checking account...but it's like I was in charge of the coffee break money while John was controlling the secret CIA funding.
Second Mistake: NOT HAVING EVERYTHING WRITTEN DOWN.
Put your financial information in one place, and make it easily accessible. I'd recommend an old fashioned file...with the information written down on paper. Because computers come and go...they die, or somebody forgets a password, and you are SUNK.
I've had a devil of a time for the last year, trying to figure out how much money we actually have, where it is, and how I can access it. I did not have a clue. Most of our money was in the stock market. Two years ago, John started forgetting passwords...eventually, Fidelity locked him out...and he believed they were stealing his money. Do a financial inventory: bank accounts, stock accounts, coffee cans buried in the back yard, safe deposit boxes, insurance policies, etc. Write everything down, account numbers AND passwords.
Third Mistake: NOT KNOWING WHAT MY INCOME WILL BE IF JOHN DIES FIRST.
It is disturbing that I still haven't figured this part out. For one thing -- even though I have a Power of Attorney in place -- John's pension people won't even talk to me until that POA has been "attached" to his file. And, for some reason, that's easier said than done.
*****
You have NO IDEA how tough it was for me to narrow my mistakes down to JUST THREE.
You are not saying a thing I haven't heard a million times. Scarier is the number of older women who are taken advantage of because they have never even written a check...There is the notion out there that stealing by the children is not actually stealing.
ReplyDeleteRita, I am sure that it is very hard to write about this, but you are doing a great service to others. Thank you for being willing to share your challenges.
ReplyDeleteThank You for the sound advice. Just recently Bob and I both retired. I still am not sure where all the stocks and money investments are. Time to get it all in order. I have kept the household finances, checking and bill paying for all of the marriage so that is o.k.
ReplyDeleteWe have our accounts, logins, passwords, etc printed out. One copy in our safe and one in mom's. And we know where Mom's are. But, Jim is retirement education specialist for Washington state and a registered financial advisor, so he knows how important all that is. If he wasn't in the business, I really don't know how savvy we would be.
ReplyDelete