My Name is Rita...

This blog post is from way back in 2009...Holy Cow...some things NEVER CHANGE ******************** TLC is doing a new show about "hoarders". My fear is that my family will Tivo it...and then tie me to a chair to make me watch it. (after they move the magazines, books and newspapers off the chair). Americans are on our way to yet-another-support-group. Instead of AA, or Overeaters Anonymous, it'll be called "FULL". That stands for 'Fools Under Lotsa Loot". We'll have to attend meetings. We'll stand up and admit, "My house is full. My sewing room is full. My basement is full. I have too much stuff."

Every Saturday -- I spend the day with my friend Bert. We kick around, go to auctions, do some garage-saling, maybe stop at a church rummage sale or a Goodwill store. We love our Saturdays. The problem, of course -- is that we both have WAY TOO MUCH STUFF. Although Bert is more discerning than me -- my biggest problem is that I absolutely must buy the thing (whatever it is) if I think it's cheaper than it should be.

On a recent Saturday (remember -- it's AUGUST), I met Bert for breakfast -- we did some "junkin" -- and I put the new "treasure" in the back seat of my Taurus, on top of the old "treasure" (the trunk has been full for 2 years). I have puzzles, games, clothes, probably 40 books or books on tape, a riding toy, a car seat (laying sideways), a $1 lampshade, and a huge pregnancy pillow (only $5). Trust me -- it's PILED HIGH...

I also have four bags of groceries sitting on the passenger seat...along with more books, several totebags from the classes I've been taking...and, oh, yeah -- there were also two big bags full of end-of-the-summer-beach-towel-bargains I bought at Dillard's.

Driving through the small town of LeClaire, Iowa -- I got pulled over by a policeman. I wasn't too worried, because I knew I was not speeding...

Officer: Your tags are expired,Mrs. Farro.

Me: (inside my head, screaming a curse word) Sorry, Officer.
Him: They were due way back in March...

Me: (screaming double curse words in my head) So sorry, officer... Him: Your tags are so far out of date, I have the right to have your vehicle towed...
Me: (thinking -- that'll cost $200) Sorry, officer...
Him: And this insurance card you've given me is from 2008. If you do not have a current card, I could write you another ticket for $375.

At this point -- I was completely stricken. He could order that my car be towed -- and then give me a $375 ticket on TOP of the $100 "expired-tags-ticket" I already had in my hand. I swallowed hard....wondering if tears might help. (I'm pretty sure that only works for blondes) As I was trying to work up a sob or two...

He said: "But, you look like a nice lady -- and, obviously, you're in the middle of a move -- and I'm sure you have a lot on your mind..."

The next few moments are a blur. Forget crying! It was all I could do to stifle the hysterical laughter rising up inside me...

As he gave me back my license (thankfully, IT was current) -- I said, "thank-you, officer. If I'd been towed, I never would have heard the end of it. But I'm pretty sure I can keep this ticket a secret..."
He smiled, and wished me luck...(with the "move", I'm sure...)


I'M GONNA CLEAN MY CAR. But -- to commemorate the moment -- and as a first step in my recovery process -- I took a picture of the back seat of my car.

Yes, my name is Rita. And I have way too much stuff...